NEW BOOK! AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER!

"In Till It Stops Beating, Hannah R. Goodman masterfully renders a tender, heartwarming tale of first love, first loss, and jelly donuts." --Heather Christie, author of What the Valley Knows Amazon best-selling author

Black Rose Writing released  Till It Stops Beating on July 5, 2018. 

Seventeen-year-old Maddie Hickman has always coped with anxiety by immersing herself into the latest self-help book. Then her grandmother is diagnosed with cancer, and she spirals so far downward that she almost risks losing everything she holds dear.

From applying to college to solving the mystery of why she detests jelly doughnuts to writing a novel for her senior project and reconnecting with an old flame (or two), the ever-mounting stress leads to an unexpected road trip where she is forced to listen to her wildly beating heart. It is only in the back of a convertible with pop music blasting, that she discovers what she needs in order to really live.

Watch the book trailer here!

You can pre-order Till It Stops Beating at:

http://www.blackrosewriting.com/childrens-booksya/tillitstopsbeating

Use promo code PREORDER2018 to receive a 10% discount.

You can find Hannah:

Twitter: @hannahrgoodman

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tillitstopsbeatingnovel/

Website: https://www.hannahrgoodman.com

Blog: https://www.writerwomyn.com

Email: hrgwriterwoman@gmail.com

Being in the Moment

Check out the whole series so far on Medium.

I haven’t blogged in a week because I was really living in the moment each day, focusing on my commitment to the free mindfulness course, which trickled out into my daily life with work and family. It seems like a subtle shift, but when I am working with a student or client, I am really there, connecting with him or her. If I’m with my kids or husband, it’s the same thing; being there, hearing their voices and engaging in what they are saying.

Like week 1, week 2 revolved around a daily commitment to both a formal and informal mindfulness exercise and to log both experiences. The formal was to continue with week one’s body scan meditation but alternate it with another meditation called the sitting meditation. The informal was to notice how we experience and process pleasant events.

I honestly wish I could just keep doing week 2 and not move on from it because it is providing me with these very grounding and positive elements of my life that require no purchasing and no evaluating. Especially the informal exercise of how we experience pleasure. One that I logged was from early in the week when I found myself crying and hugging my daughter in a spontaneous moment of realizing that she is now taller than me and, thus, growing up. This moment occurred as we were rushing around the super market and hurrying out to the car with the cart, my daughter ahead of me, almost at the car, when I noticed a baby and her father. The baby beamed at me and I said something that I used to hear over and over when my girls were little, “She’s so beautiful…Savor the moment! It will go by so fast.” The father nodded and let me know that this was “number three” so he knew exactly what I meant. By the time I reached the car, my daughter was impatiently waiting for me, but I was already crying. I grabbed her into a hug, and she let me, she even soothed, “It’s okay, Mom” even though I don’t think she knew exactly what my tears were for. That moment of releasing the tears and hugging her was such a rush of pleasure and contentment, and I don’t think I would have been able to fully rest into that moment had I not been doing these exercises all week. Just like what happened this weekend, with the kids being home on Friday for a PD day from school and my youngest and I having some time by ourselves. The weather was summery, and so we went outside, did some basketball, our own version of tennis (see the pic above), and some wiffleball. Running and laughing with her was perfection…and something I’m not sure I would have slowed down enough to even think of doing just two weeks ago. My stomach muscles felt worked in a familiar way—that bellyache you get from laughing too hard. When I logged that moment, I wrote, “I had forgotten how good that feeling is.”

I had other moments I recorded and the feeling I had each time the actual sensation in my body was described each time as “a rush” or “relief” or “warm” or “connected” or “fulfilled” and these were all moments I had with others, co-workers, children, spouse, and even by myself—during a meditation where the window was open and the breeze was brushing against my hands.   

So, it’s no wonder that for this week, I really looked forward to the exercises—based on everything so far, they made me feel good! What I also notice, as I look back on week 2, is that I’ve managed to embed the mindfulness practices into my daily routine so that even when it was a day that was so full I couldn’t fit in meditation until the end of the day, I still wanted to do it; it wasn’t a chore. One day, I came home from work and everyone was out at an activity so I just went right into my bed room, stretched out on the floor and did a ten-minute body scan. I was interrupted when my husband came barging in, but I just told him I needed 10 minutes and I started again. I think because I told my whole family that this was a commitment I was doing for the next 8 weeks, I have been able to make it a priority…but not in a rigid or perfectionist way. The gift of this practice is that it has allowed me to learn how to be flexible and realistic in my expectations of myself and others. I allowed myself to kind of “rest” into mindfulness instead of, as I call it, “trying to get the A” (i.e., be perfect). So, if that meant not meditating at the same time every day but rather allowing myself the freedom and self-trust fit it into the day as it unfolded, then so be it.

Some other ways in which I “rested” into the mindfulness are that I decided that meditation works best for me if it is between 10 and 15 minutes as opposed to 30. I also realized that guided meditations are fine if the voice feels soothing and doesn’t distract me from the actual mediation. So, what I did was find some alternatives to the mediations that are utilized in the course. I used this for the body scan meditation and I used a script that I tailored to my own needs for the sitting meditation. I also allowed myself a day off this week, and I am allowing myself to do week two for a few more days this week…mainly because of Mother Nature who decided to surprise New England with a bit of a Nor’easter that has rendered us without power. I type this in the candle light as my girls play Uno for the millionth time saying, “It’s like old fashion times!”

As we set off into this old fashion evening, with candlelight and flashlights (yes, and the winking and blinking of iPads and laptops), I wonder if I will begin week three or let myself linger in the loveliness of week 2 a little longer…

Mindfulness and STRESS!

Yesterday my morning walk was distracted. I have some external stressors happening in my life...the kind of stressors that are not within my control, or at least not within as much control as I would like. Those type of stressors are always within the domains of family and work—what else is there in life that can cause a feeling within you of absolute powerlessness at times? When things that were seemingly going along well, all of the sudden—or so it seems—flip all upside down and you are left with WHAT THE HELL????

So, with this in mind, you can understand why taking this course is perfect timing in my life! It is also perfect that this mindfulness course I'm taking requires that you note and record one informal mindfulness exercise every day—whether it is eating something mindfully or taking a walk mindfully or even something as simple as sitting next to your adorable purring cat mindfully.

So far, I seem to be doing my informal exercise on my daily morning walk. Yesterday morning, with all that is happening around me (those external stressors), I was pretty distracted on this walk, though not in an anxious way but more of a energized and let's-get-on-with-it way. Today, I felt more present on my walk and was able to really be mindful—take in the vibrant colors of the foliage, smell the sweet and pungent air of fall, and feel grounded in the strength of my stride as I walked (and the slight creaking of my hips!).

During my morning walks I always listen to talk radio (I know, probably not the most zen thing but everyone gets there zen in different ways—no judgment, right?) so for this mindfulness course, I am shutting off the show for about 3 minutes and intentionally noticing the space and scenery around me. Because of this time of the year, I noticed the leaves immediately. Yesterday I observed how different they are when not soggy from the rain, that they curl up more when dry. Today I noticed one tree with all maroon leaves and how the marron was actually made up of two different leaves with two different shades of the color.

Yesterday I also did the other daily assignment in the course, the body scan but this time I researched for another one that might be a little shorter. Check it out here. This one was soothing and quick. Exactly what I need in my life right now!!

Fall is about transitioning into a more internal state of winter and it seems to me that this particular fall has been filled with a lot of external challenges and obstacles in the path of change. Utilizing mindfulness, I can be in the moment and get brief periods of rest. Instead of riding the What If train, I float on the What Is boat!

To read about day 7, click here. 

May is for Mindfulness

April was a time for me of staying off social media and journaling—by hand!. This was my way of celebrating The Mighty’s Month of Kindness as part of their year of self-care for 2017. I managed to journal 25 out of 30 days of the month. A victory! It was very liberating and fulfilling to watch the pages fill with all my “stuff”. With each stroke of my pen, I was letting go of the fear and worries that were getting in my way on daily basis.

Speaking of fear and worry...

April was a really difficult month for me. Anxiety and depression seem to creep up and tap me on the shoulder when I least expected it, and though I tried to shrug them both off, they continued to tap, tap, tap until I finally turned around and said, “What do you guys want now?”

They wanted my attention, to say the least; they were like two scared, little girls who had been begging for their mom’s love and kindness, and I acted, at first, like a negligent “too busy” mother.

Pretty quickly, I’d say by the middle of the month, it became clear how much they needed a good strong hug from me and that they needed to be heard. So, I sat down and listened to what they had to say.

They told me how afraid they were about getting older, about the uncertainty that the passing of time brings, and about how they weren’t sure what was going to happen in the future. They kept throwing all these "what if" scenarios at me, seeking reassurance in ways I simply couldn't give, in ways that were virtually impossible. "What if", by definition, has no real answer or no real reassurance because it is the unknown, the uncertain. At first I kept asking my anxiety and depression what can I do? What do you want me to do about all this? And they just kept crying and asking to be hugged…so I held them and soothed them until they quieted and relaxed into my arms.

By the end of the month, I realized that they didn’t want or need me to fix or solve or work really hard at anything. They just wanted to be heard, supported, and validated. Ironically, they needed kindness and compassion, which were the themes of the month and are the things I give to my clients on a daily basis…so why was it so hard to give it to myself?

Fear. I feared that being too soft and loving with myself meant that I would somehow become a weak mess. I would lose control. When, in reality, by turning towards myself with loving kindness actually made me stronger, made me more in control over the things I truly have control over (my behavior) and let go of the things I don’t have control over (other people’s behavior and the passing of time).  

As the month of April began to wind down, I found myself seeking more mindful and spiritual approaches to coping with my anxious brain.

Me, at Acupuncture, working on my shen.

I made a silent promise to myself that for the month of May, I was going to practice true, in-the-moment Mindfulness.

So as I leave the month April behind, with its deep, spiritual and emotional struggles, I embrace May, with its promise of mindfulness and hope. Ironically, The Mighty has declared May as the month of Mindfulness, and I am embracing this commitment fully. 

My mindfulness practice for this month is very simple: 

1. Daily meditation

Ten minutes a day, using the Headspace App (which I really like!), I'm going to allow myself to be fully in the moment of doing nothing but being aware of sound, breath, and sensation.

2. Awareness of "What if" thinking

 

"What if" thinking typically indicates that I'm about to get pulled into a tornado (or quicksand, depending on which analogy works for you) of anxiety. What if I go crazy? What if fail my test? What if my kids get sick? What if this anxiety never ends? So, for this month, when my brain starts to “what if”, I'm taking a deep breath, stepping out of the tornado (or simply not flailing around in the quicksand so I can float to the top) and grounding myself into the precious present moment. Grounding myself could be as simple as focusing on my breath for a few moments or doing mindful activities like: doing yoga poses, grabbing my kids poster paint and doodling out my feelings, asking for a hug, walking barefoot on the wet grass, going for a bike ride, looking outside at the blooming trees, or taking a walk around the neighborhood.   

If you are reading this post and want to commit to mindfulness this month, post what you're going to do in the comments below. 

Click here for more on the month of  mindfulness.