The Power of One Word

In one of our classes in the recent Releasing The Writer Within series, I read a list of 75 words and asked my students to write down the ones that made them feel something, triggered an emotion. Then they had to chose one to write about. Keri N. wrote down the word "divorce". Here is her free write from it. Keep in mind, I ask my students NOT to edit or worry about grammar and punctuation, which is scary for them. So read for content not criticism...as always : ) 

DIVORCE

Divorce is easy, the lawyers are strange they are aliens I walked into his office as something from another planet. We talked finances, another foreign language. I would GPS his location in Cranston because I never remembered it. After a while I realized I had to turn right at the taco bell. It was an old neighborhood I passed through to get there. Houses and families I imagined had been there for years. Unchanged only time wearing down the shingles. And his office was small at the end of the road. We had a house then, a yard. Part of me wanted to blow our family dynamic apart without remorse we had our list of problems. He cheated on me many times. He loved his Facebook way more than he could a family. But sometimes the houses on that old street created longing or sometimes they created a pressure in my body, a ghost hand pressing down. I couldn't go through with marriage or a divorce without thinking something of myself. I had thought our separation through for days and weeks, months. He had gone to work everyday and did his constant share of escaping our disintegration. In our bedroom he said, let's just try harder. And I knew then for sure he was disconnected, on a permanent lunch break. I had tried the hardest. I had overlooked things I maybe shouldn't have. He was incapable of trying. On the rare days he would help me with housework he insisted that I take our son and leave so he could focus on the kitchen grime at hand. "That's not real life," I reminded him. His paycheck was his ticket to not care too much. It was my job to do the housework. He never lifted a finger. Welcome to the new 1957. I couldn't stand it. My rage was more than hot pokers, it was something psychic that could bury itself in brain tissue and cause cancer, an immediate inoperable tumor. Like my mother, I could never be kept down. I claw too much, spit too much.

Effortless Genius

Genius lines from Releasing The Writer Within

Genius lines are the ones that surprise us in a piece of writing that has no intent other than to release some of our thoughts, feelings, emotions, and observations. We hear these lines out loud, and they resonant with us all in class—so much so that you will hear gasps, maybe even an “amen” or a “wow!”

When students share their work in my class, I jot down lines that hit me in the heart. I ask my students to do the same when they listen to each other read. We do not critique each other’s writing in Releasing The Writer Within; We celebrate and affirm one another’s work by listening intently and writing in our notebooks the lines that move us. When the reader finishes and we share our responses, it never surprises me that we find our selves reading the same lines. There is a synchronicity in class that is the magic lightning that makes writing so effortless...and always connected.  

Sometimes lines will hit me especially hard, and I will ask students to take the line(s) and “jump off” them for a free write for homework. I invite you to try just that with the following lines:

“Wow! 5 minutes of writing? I don’t think I have 5 minutes of thought in me!” –Brenda

“Who do I surrender to?” - Brenda

“Deafening silence. Why is that? Silence shouldn’t be so loud.” –Michelle

“I put up a wall (to block out the pain) so I can focus on the good but every brick blocks me from feeling.” –Michelle

“I try to sit and feel okay with the pain. Put that behind me and focus on the good.” –Michelle

“Sometimes I go fast, and I am only that.” – Keri

“I hate the wasteful creature comforts we think we need. I want to be brave enough to live simply and quietly until I feel I can’t do it any more, but then get past that feeling to keep doing it, nonetheless.”  - Keri

“Each thing I take away gets me closer to what I can’t remove.”

“I have a lot of people where only I should be.” - Keri

“I’m a ticking time bomb just waiting anxiously to explode.” –A.J.

 “Breathing, tripping, bleeding, living. Being in control requires all of these.” –A.J.

“I create my own pain and then I go down with it.” -A.J.

“Children are a fabulous excuse for missed careers.” - Kirsten

What Blocks Me (You)?

The ever-present question for me and many of my students…What blocks me?

Michelle, a new student from my recent 4-week series of Releasing The Writer Within, wrote the following piece. I will not editorialize too much; I think it speaks for itself.

Dear Hannah,

            You asked me the question, “What blocks me?”  I originally thought it was “Change”, then “Fear of the unknown” when a change in my life occurs.  But when I stated, “When the shit hits the fan…I always seem to be able to step out of the way.”   That’s really it in a nut shell isn’t it…Although not quite.

            I look back through my life and I’ve always been that way.  The one to stand in the middle of chaos, whether it is a family drama situation or hurt feelings between friends.  I never choose sides, I stand firmly in the middle, claiming “Switzerland” and somehow diffusing a potentially horrific battle, while remaining neutral. 

            I look back to my childhood and it wasn’t always like that.  I grew up in a big family and we all know “Big Family…Big Drama”. You see, I had to be the glue that held us together at one point. My Mom had cancer.  I was in high school at the time and being the oldest daughter, well the only daughter; I just stepped into her shoes.  The guidance counselor helped me arrange my class load to all morning classes so I could get home before lunch time.  My Dad would bring Mom in for radiation in the mornings and then I would take over.  You see I understood that he had to get to work and my Mom needed me.  I would help her to bed; bring soup, toast and tea.  I’d tuck her in, piling high with warm comfy blankets or bring her a basin and cool cloth.  I never had despairing thoughts or felt the usual thoughts of a selfish teenager…”How could this happen to me?”  But instead did what I had to do.  I’d cook dinner, wash laundry and when my little brothers got home from school, there would be a snack waiting for them and I’d be there to help with homework.  My Dad would come home early and take over then and I would leave for work.  He would always give me that exhausted hug and smile with a knowing expression that only I understood. 

            I sit here reflecting upon that time and realize that I’m wrong about something!  When the shit hits the fan I don’t step out of the way!  Sometimes I let it hit me square on, but it really doesn’t matter how messy it is…It’s how you clean up the mess that really counts!

Thanks for letting me share my story.  By writing it down, it has allowed me to learn something about myself that I didn’t realize was there.  An inner strength and love for my family that goes beyond responsibility.  It wasn’t just about a task to be done, a job or dependability….It was a choice I made to be there for my family no matter what!  And I’d do it all over again without a second thought!

Michelle C

Release it on paper and let it go...

I just finished teaching a four-week series of Releasing TheWriter Within. The pieces that my students created were responses to very unstructured prompts; my goal was to give them wide, open space to observe their feelings, thoughts, and ideas and then release them onto paper. The only rule in my class is do not judge or evaluate yourself or classmates. This environment allows for total freedom of expression, crucial to the creative process and removing possible obstacles towards creativity. 

Below is a warm-up piece from one of my new students, Brenda. A warm up is a free-write that we do after a brief breathing exercise. The idea is to just write what is in your mind at that moment.

Chaos

Like a Calgon commercial, I see the bits and pieces of the day crashing

around me. Fast moving, spinning me in circles. How to focus. Thoughts so scattered as I try to put the pieces together.

My morning; wake fast, no time to get ready. Rushing…shower, dress…what to wear. Feed the dogs. Take them for their morning walk. What now?

Get the coffee ready so that I can start the day. Four messages on my phone already and I haven’t even left for the office yet. Oh God! Early morning meeting, so many emails.

On the road visiting clients. Such negativity! Is this what 2013 is going to be like. Just let me get through January. Only two weeks in and already…dread. Is this going to be a bad year? I’ve certainly had my share. Just want a life that’s easier.

Gone are the days of irresponsibility. I wish I could get those days back but no luck. The responsibility is thick, so thick that it chokes.