Showing posts with label FEAR OF FALLING. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FEAR OF FALLING. Show all posts

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Book Giveaway Contest/Excerpt of Hannah's first two books!

Write Naked runs its first EVER book giveaway contest. 

The Contest

Write a review of Fear of Falling and post it on Amazon.  Then, send Hannah the link to the review, and she will send you a free, autographed copy of My Sister’s Wedding or My Summer Vacation–your choice! But hurry, only the first five reviewers will win the prize!!!!

Deadline is November 20th!

_______________________________________



From Chapter 1 of My Sister’s Wedding

“For God’s sake Barb, the waste paper basket was right next to you!” My mother screams from the bathroom. “Did you have to vomit all over the $700 veil?
     We are in my mother’s bedroom and Mom is in the bathroom furiously scrubbing the veil in her sink and screaming every profanity possible. Barbara is standing in her dress bawling, makeup running. I am holding the bustle up with one hand and wiping Barbara’s face with a tissue with the other hand.
     “Sorry Mother, I guess I missed!” she spits back at her.
     I am tired. Tired of my mother getting upset over the wrong thing. How come she doesn’t say: “For God’s sake. Barb, did you have to get trashed the night before your wedding?”
     Instead we stand around screaming and crying over a veil.
     Moments later, after I tuck Michael’s ring (designed by his father who owns a swank jewelry store in town) into my tiny, blue-beaded purse, we tumble into the white stretch limo and are on our way to meet Michael, my dad, and Michael’s parents at the temple. We are fifteen minutes away. My mother is discussing draperies with the limo driver (she constantly tries to recruit more customers, no matter the situation).
     “Now, Mrs. Hickman, my wife wants to buy all these curtains and pillows. I tell her: You make it! Why do you have to buy them? Women used to make this stuff. Why does she have to buy it?” says the limo driver, who is a balding, wrinkled man with a toothy smile.
     “George is it?” My mother asks him. He nods, teeth gleaming. “George, your wife probably is a busy woman. She takes care of you and maybe the grandchildren–”
     “Great grandchildren!” He announces as if they were a prize.
     “My!”
     “Six!”
     “Well, then, George, don’t you see how hard she works?” George nods vigorously. “Does she really have time to make drapes and pillows?” She stresses the word “drapes”. My mother refuses to say curtains.
     “I guess not.” Poor George has been defeated by Martha.
     “Let me give you my card....”
      My sister and look at each other and roll our eyes. She mouths to me, “Sucker!”
      My sister busies herself with her compact, fixing her lipstick. It all somehow doesn’t seem real; my sister is getting married and leaving the house. It just doesn’t seem possible.
      My mother closes the deal with George and turns back to us. She looks over at Barbara and says, “Did you bring any concealer?”
     “Why?”
     “Because you have circles under your eyes.”
     I stare at my mother. And that’s because...?
     My sister looks into her mirror. “I already put some on.”
     “Well,” my mother smoothes her dress. “You need more.”
     “No, I don’t, Mother.” Barbara turns to me. “Do I need more concealer?”
     I stare at her, not wanting to get involved. Not wanting to open my mouth for fear that I may scream, who gives a shit! You’re friggin’ hung over! Can we just say it already?
     I say nothing because now they are going at it. I tune them out and stare out the window. I have started to become aware of my family and how screwed up it is.    


From Chapter 5 of My Summer Vacation

I feel like a child who smells chocolate chip cookies and is lured out of her room and into the kitchen by the hypnotic smell. Inside the music shack, some instrument cases and stands are scattered around the scuffed hardwood floor. As I peer around the corner of the foyer area, I see curly brown hair flopping up and down. The boy who owns the hair looks up and the playing stops. Red blotches creep up his thick neck. He’s stocky. Tan with dark black hair. Cute in a cuddly way.
     “I’m sorry,” I say. “I was walking by and I heard the song and—”
    “That’s okay. I was just messing around. I hope it’s okay.” His voice is deep but soft.
     So he’s not a CIT. But he looks and sounds way too old to be a camper. The cook’s kid or something? He reminds me of Jack Black. Maybe his younger brother.
     “Is it okay?” Now he’s asking me. He closes the piano. “Are you one of the JCs?”
     “No, no. I’m a CIT. In the pub shop. Are you a—?”
     “Camper,” he finishes for me. “I’m a camper, but it’s my first year. I’m starting a little late. I’m going to be fifteen in July.” Fifteen is the cut-off age for older campers before they have to either be a CIT or forget coming to camp.
     Pause.
     “I love John Lennon,” I say. “No one my age likes Lennon or the Beatles.” I motion to the piano.      
     “You’re really good.” I like this kid. Immediately. He could be my Peter for the summer. Not that I want to bump out David. But I think David will be otherwise occupied.
     “How old are you?” he asks.
     “I just turned sixteen.”
     “You look older. I thought you were a counselor.”
     “You too.” We both laugh. Instant cocoa and marshmallows. That’s what my sister says when she connects with someone. It’s something she picked up in rehab from a sixty-year-old recovering alcoholic who was her group therapy counselor.
     I walk over to him and lean against the piano. “What else do you play?”
     He starts clanging out the John Lennon song, “Woman.” I feel a shiver that doesn’t belong in this stickyhot weather. His voice is gravelly but deep and strong. It doesn’t belong on anyone under forty. I hide my tears with a cough and eye rub.
     He finishes the song and looks up at me. “So how did you get into old music?”
     “I have a sister who’s nine years older than me.” I stop, not sure I want to reveal the full reason for Barbara’s appreciation for older music.
     “My brother, Orin, is nine years older than me.” He tugs on his curls and runs his hand rapidly over the back of his head. “A real screw-up. But a great musician. If he hadn’t blown a major record deal, he’d be a Behind the Music episode.”
     His candor nails me to the floor. “Maybe it’s an older-sibling trend to be a screwup. Mine’s a recovering alcoholic.”
     “At least she’s recovering,” he says. “Although Orin, I guess, is too. He’s always recovering or trying to recover or in recovery.”
     Holy shit.
     I feel compelled to top him but I can’t. “Wow.” It’s all I can come up with.
     “Even fucked up, Orin is a rockin’ singer and guitar player. Arista Records wanted to sign him last year after they heard him play with his band Couch Brats. They wanted just him. He fucked that up. Never showed up for their first meeting. They even sent a car to our house. The record dude even called and asked to come by. Orin was busy at the hospital.”
     He stops, and I notice he has a sort of weird tic, where he moves his jaw slightly from side to side. I haven’t moved from my position, arms leaning on the piano. I fiddle with a hangnail on my left thumb and wait for the end of the story.
     “Yeah, he was busy getting his stomach pumped. Too many pills along with the coke the night before.” He slides his jaw.
     I want to say Wow again, but instead I say, “That sucks.” Pretty original.
     “He’s one of those people that went to school stoned every day and got straight A’s. I can’t even have a bad night’s sleep and make it through first period. He’s OD’d five times and died on the table twice.” He moves his jaw. He talks like his singing voice sounds ... over forty.
     “I’m Maddie,” I offer.
     “Brian.” He leans back a little on the bench, holding on to the piano. “Do you play anything?”
     “No. But I love music. I wish I could play.”
     “I can teach you.” He leans into the piano keys and lightly plays a few. “It’s easy. Do you read notes?”
     “Actually, yeah.” I inch over to the bench and sit next to him.
     “I can’t.” We both laugh again. “Maybe you can teach me that.”
     “So you play by ear?” I ask him as I slid on to the bench next to him as naturally as brushing hair out of my face. “My father’s mother could do that. I never met her. Supposedly she was nuts and would play the piano in this bright pink housecoat all day. Local bars wanted to hire her but every time she was supposed to play, she’d wear her damned housecoat. My dad says she thought she wouldn’t be able to play without it. I get why my dad married my anal-retentive mother. Imagine what his home life was growing up!”
     “Yeah, I think it’s genetic. My mom, her grandmother, Orin, and me.”
     “No one else I know can do it. Play music, I mean.”
     “Maybe you can.” He grins. “You just don’t know it.”
Brian keys a few bars of “Imagine” by John Lennon. Another one that makes me cry. This time I don’t bother hiding it. Cocoa and marshmallows. Brian plays the entire song and when I look over at him toward the end, he’s tearing up too.
     After I leave the music shop, I realize I hadn’t thought about Justin once.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

An excerpt from my new book Fear of Falling

Fresh off "the worst year of her life," sixteen-year-old Maddie Hickman has sworn off love and her once-beloved self-help books in favor of editing the school paper and "banging out weepy poems." When she receives an anonymous letter from a gay student who's been physically threatened, Maddie is forced to step out of her self-imposed isolation, face her own personal problems, and take a stand. But how far is she willing to go? Will her best friends Peter and Susan stand with her? Can friendship survive past and present personal problems as well as challenging parents and unbending school administrators? And just how far are the three friends willing to go?


From Chapter 5  
Fear of Falling


I turn to Mrs. Leahy. “Mrs. Leahy? Do you have a minute?”
She cocks her head. “Where have you been all week?” I understand what she’s really asking. I tick the answer in my mind: Not hanging around after school, clacking out sad poems. All my editing for the paper was done in between “meetings” at Susan’s house and the three pounds of homework from AP History. Thank God the school paper is published triweekly.
“Sit,” she instructs. “Listen, I think it’s great that you’ve been busy with other things besides school.” She smiles. “So, what’s up?”
I look at the spine of The Great Gatsby on her desk. Then a deep breath. “I’ve decided to write the article about being gay in high school.”
Confusion or maybe anger flashes across her face as she looks away. Then her tiny hands flutter to her desk and she purses her lips. “Well.” Her face flushes while she looks from me to the door and back to me. “Where are you going next period?”
            “I have History.”
            She knows, just like I do, that Mr. Morgan is the kind of teacher that says if you’re taking AP History and are late, you’re obviously the kind of student who has a good reason. She gets up and closes the door so silently that there’s not even a click when it shuts. Like she’s trying to be quiet because a baby’s sleeping or something.
            “Listen, Maddie. That letter you received. We’re dealing with some serious stuff. Very. I don’t want you involved.” She suddenly looks young, like a student almost. Her eyes are wide and slightly watery, just the way most of us look the first few periods of the day. Her hands rest on the desk; she’s holding her left pointer finger with her right hand. “To be quite honest with you, I’m not sure if an article is a good idea.”
            “But why?”
            She sighs and shakes her head. “I’m not sure how much of this I should get into with you…”
            I don’t blink or move.
            Another sigh. “Mr. West thought he might be able to figure out who the student is. And he told me he’d take care of it, that he would keep everything anonymous. He told me not to worry. Of course I did, but … listen, this isn’t your responsibility—”
            “Anonymous wants me to help him.” I’m angry now. I stand.
            “I know, Maddie. But this isn’t your battle to fight.”
            “But he came to me!”
“You aren’t the adult here.”
I step back like she punched me. “What do you mean? God, Mrs. Leahy, you’re the one who tells us to write how we feel and not be afraid to share it with people. That the written word can change people and society. You’re the one who lectures us on bigotry and homophobia. I mean, why shouldn’t I fight this fight?  Why shouldn’t I fight for the freedom, the right to publish this article? Why shouldn’t I fight for Anonymous?”
            “Maddie, this is a public school, and it might not be the place to—”
            “Oh, my God! If this isn’t the place, then—” I throw my hands up. “So what do you want me to do? Forget that this kid called on me, asked me to help him? You always tell us to do the right thing and stand up for people who can’t stand up for themselves. To be a voice and spokesperson. I don’t get why I can’t just—”
            I swear I see tears brimming. “I’m sorry Maddie. I really am. But this … this situation. It’s really out of my hands. And yours.”
She reaches for my arm but I pull away.
“You have to let this go and focus on yourself, Maddie. You have a lot going on as it is, and—”
            “Forget it, Mrs. Leahy. Forget it.” I slam out of the classroom, surprised at my own anger, and that I even let her see it. I pat my pocket; at least I didn’t show her the draft.

Monday, September 07, 2009

Self Publishing: Round Three

Preface to the following blog entry:

I am using this entry for a blog contest on the website backwordbooks.com which is a self-published authors collective, the first of its kind, I believe.  In an effort to support their site and perhaps makes some nice connections, I add their link to this blog entry. Please check them out.

www.backwordbooks.com

The following entry was originally posted on September 7th, 2009.  

Commitment to Blog 


Previously, I blogged when the fancy struck me. However, I have decided to take my self as a writer and author SERIOUSLY...Well, in terms of the craft, at least.  The publishing world, that's another story. I think, in order to survive as an author, you need to NOT take it too seriously.


In light of trying to blog religiously, as I have realized with my MFA program, I think choosing a focus will help.  That way the task of the weekly blog will not overwhelm me. I want to focus on something that I need/want to work my shit out about. Since I have a new book and since being a self published author has brought up so much ANGST in me, I think focusing on the journey of my newest book, FEAR OF FALLING, will be both useful and therapeutic.

Hollywood Ain’t Calling

I have gone into this book without any rosy notion that it will change my life. I do not have fantasies of Hollywood calling. I also know how much time and money it really takes to do justice to a self-published book and that you can do everything “right” and still not sell as many as you thought you would. In fact, I have no expectation of numbers. I published this book for the several thousand readers who read the previous books and for me. This book and its foray out into the world is about my desire to connect with each individual who chooses to pick the book up and open it, and more importantly, continue to read it after the first page.


I know the realities of going at it alone. So, with this in mind, I need to market this book with my head and not my heart. I need to really get it in my head (and out of my heart, which can easily break over such things) that I may show up to a book signing and not sell a single book. I need to accept that I have to do all the legwork of getting reviewers to review the book. I have to not-cry-for-me Argentina that I will have to purchase probably 150 books on my own to use for marketing (online reviewers and contest give-aways) and consigning to bookstores. I have to not feel guilty when friends, students, and clients ask to purchase a book from me. Or, rather, I will not allow the guilt feelings to make me hand over the books for free. Additionally, because it’s just me marketing the book, I have to accept the limitations of my life.  I have children, my work, and school, right now.  Marketing is going to have to be accessible, and my goal cannot be on the number sold.  Rather the goal must be, getting the books to readers, one reader at a time.


I used to say that these books are like my children–I made them, I raised them, and now it’s my responsibility to make sure they go out into the world, properly. However, I have been a mother for almost six years, and now I have another child.  With the first two books, Chelsea, my oldest was very young and I had a lot less on my plate. My books are not my children. In a way, they are like my pets. I will feed, groom, and care for them always. But they probably don’t get cuddled and snuggled as much as they should.


More on the Reality of Self Publishing

If any of you keep up with this blog, you know that FEAR OF FALLING  went "live" to the web for purchase this week.  This means that you can purchase it from online bookstores, like Amazon. It means that if you go to your local bookstore, they can order it for you.  It also means that I can go to the local bookstores and implore them to order my book from the publisher or distributor.  It also means that my publisher will be sending me my free 40 copies. Some of those will get consigned to independent bookstores. Why am I sharing all this with you?  Because here’s the first of many hurdles I will have to traverse with this book. Hurdles I already know about because this is my third time around. That hurdle is…How do I get this book to my readers? You might say, “Well, through bookstores. Right?”


In theory, yes.  The book is available–I know I keep reminding you of this.  This is all part of my scary and efficient marketing plan. : ) So, yes the book is easily available at your online bookstores. So, what’s the problem?  Well, it’s not the purchasing of the book online. It’s the other, old fashion way of purchasing your books–which many people still do. Going to a “live” bookstore! And this is where I have a possible problem.

Typically, if you are a self-published author, you are totally on your own and that means NO ONE helps you with the way your book reaches the hands of the readers. Now-a-days being self published can mean that you are totally alone, but it can also mean that you purchase the service of publishing from a company, as I have from iUniverse. So, I am not totally on my own. The publisher and I are partners in the publication of the book.  My publisher, for a relatively small fee and after a lot of editorial evaluation (this means they don’t just agree to publish any thing), agrees to do some of the marketing and most of the distribution of the book.  This is a GREAT thing for the self-published author.


But, here comes the glitch. Without getting too technical, iUniverse is a print-on-demand self-publisher. With POD books, the publisher prints them one at a time, or as the demand is made. When a bookstore owner calls into the publisher or distributor and asks to order my book, they can easily do so, but they are not allowed to return the books, should they not sell.  This is not good motivation for a bookstore owner to agree to stock my book. Now, my publisher says for a pretty fair fee, they can make it such that my book is deemed returnable.  That’s great, but I have already spent quite a bit on this book, so right now I can't add that item to the growing list of things to buy for this book's possible success. Mainly because the way my previous book sold was through the web, through me, and through my consignment with local bookstores. So hurdle one is traversing the non-returnable issue with local bookstores.  How? To agree to sell the book on consignment. Great except…take note of hurdle number two in the next paragraph.

Hurdles and More Hurdles

Upon perusal of the author copy that arrived early last week, I noticed a minor error on the back cover.  Something that I have corrected in the numerous proofing rounds with the publisher. This isn’t the first publisher error I have encountered with iUniverse this time around. Errors that were immediately corrected, not to mention that they kindly gave me little additional marketing services at no cost.  However, it is still frustrating and time consuming to call them to correct the error.


They are going to take care of this error.  But this now delays me from being able to get those forty copies of the book­ to the local bookstores for consignment, so I can set up some of my first signings. I also wanted to run some contests to give away a few of the books, plus send some to reviewers, so I can post some reviews of the book online.


All of that now has to be put off until the error is corrected and books are sent to me.  So while the book is “live” on Amazon, I am stalled in really launching it.

The Rock Up The Mountain

I hope that I haven’t bored you all with this, but it’s the parts of being self published that frustrate me. I feel like if I had a regular book deal, this isn’t what I would be worried about. I would be able to spend this last hour as I have on this blog on my writing. When these things happen, things that remind me of being on my own in this huge task of marketing my book, I get a little depressed. It feels like I am pushing a huge rock up a very bumpy mountain.


And, yet, I am doing this again, for the third time! : )


But like parenting, the task of self publishing is hard, yet worth it more than I can express in words.


Tune in next week to see what happens next with FEAR OF FALLING!!!! 

Sunday, August 30, 2009

New book and upcoming class

New book is up on my site but not ready to go "live" in bookstores. Check out the summary and cover.
Fear of Falling

Also, the last Releasing The Writer Within "live" class (until 2011) begins on September 8, 2009 @ 7pm in Warren, RI. Go to the website for details.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Sneak Peek of FEAR OF FALLING back cover copy

BACK COVER COPY

FEAR OF FALLING

New Maddie Book due out in a few weeks!!!!

"Fresh off “the worst year of her life,” sixteen-year-old Maddie Hickman has sworn off love and her once-beloved self-help books in favor of editing the school paper and “banging out weepy poems.” Whenshe receives an anonymous letter from a gay student who’s been physically threatened, Maddie is forced to step out of her self-imposed isolation, face her own personal problems, and take a stand. But how far is she willing to go? Will her best friends Peter and Susan stand with her? Can friendship survive past and present personal problems as well as challenging parents and unbending school administrators?And just how far are the three friends willing to go?"