I can’t think cohesive thoughts.
The idea of trying to write what I want to or about what I want to seems overwhelming:
· A blog entry about this.
· The whole "Jew bag" incident.
· A teenage whisperer/ a writing instructor/writing coach/magazine editor/tutor? Worrying that maybe these are too many hats to market properly, yet wanting and needing all these hats on—at the same time—because I'm a Gemini.
· Mother guilt over my Chels’ b-day party has to be canceled due to not enough kids able to come... also I work on her actual b-day...and general guilt about ALL I am….and cannot be as a mom...
· My need to get back to yoga and how to make that fit in daily.
· How much I NEED to teach my Women's Writing Workshop...and am considering running it, even if the current enrollment remains at one.
Maybe I will stop here.
If I post this, you will all want to know about the “Jew Bag” incident. Some of you will already know about it. I’m not ready to talk about it. But it hasn’t gone away like I wanted it to, and there’s something in it that lingers. I'm afraid of what I will discover if I write about it. Which, of course, means I should.
If I share this as a blog, it would be to demonstrate how to get back into writing when you have stopped for a while. You have to just start writing freely and see what comes out and be okay with it. Know that whatever the content is, it doesn't matter. It's writing, and that, in and of itself, is reassuring.
It's not that I have stopped writing entirely, but I haven’t done any creative work since I sent my revised novel off to my agent on Dec 22. I’ve been editing for the magazine and putting together some marketing materials for various projects, but nothing creative... until January 6th at the residency where I scribbled in my notebook a page of a new adult novel about a group of writers in a residency program. : )
And now this…I feel so free and perfect and good while I write the words. Watching the thoughts in my head slide out, down into my arms, curl up into my hands, and leap out of my fingers.
That has to be enough for now.
I think this is a brave post. I think many of your posts are brave. Yes, I'm interested in the Jew Bag story, I can only imagine, but I'm more interested in hearing about you and your writing process, agonies, and triumphs. You are an interesting woman. Hey, when is that women's writing workshop? I wonder if I can make it? You rock, Hannah.
I agree with Cindy. And this post came at a perfect time. I'm at that place where I wonder if I've been gone too long, if I will ever get back to writing...And wondering why the hell I ever turned away from it. So thank you...Miss you guys!!
I ADORE you Hannah! And appreciate your raw honesty more than I can say. It's time for us to catch up again.
My google search to find a writing coach led me to a few websites that let me to your blog... How I can relate to you on so many levels. The problem is I do have a story inside me, but have no idea how to get it written down. I know this story so well because I lived it, I did it, my child is here for it, I can speak it to hundreds, even thousands, but why can't I write it. There is an anxiety that overwhelms me each time I try. Ugh... it's so fricking frustrating, even though in the procrastination I have re-decorated all three of my daughters bedrooms, painted two more rooms and built two amazing garden beds that I must say lead to yes, even more procrastination.
I need help, just a magic word, to help me along the way... Anything?
Thanks for listening to MY rant!
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