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Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Unedited Love poem to my Daughters

A WriterMommy’s Poem

shit
“what the world needs now is love sweet love..”
floats out above the speakers at Starbucks
and
two little girls just a few years apart both blond and their brother and mother walk in.
pain
missing my daughters.
guilt creeps in as if to control and justify
but now
I watch it
know it for what it is
and realize
i
just
have
pain
it’s the pain of missing them
the bittersweetness of parenting
the guilt
    is like this odd secondary pain that’s the result of the struggle
sometimes
it’s not about doing anything
but
about
just
letting
the thoughts
the feelings
be

now
i must
go back
to work
here
writing
but their laughter
makes me pause
tear up
little girls and their laugh
sisters
I have to bite my lower lip
the laughter is waterfall cackle and rises up above all the other noise
the whir of the coffee machines
the music that floats around
I don’t push it away
my pain of missing my sweet babies
I tear up and bite my lips harder and it’s hard to type from my tears
I miss them
they leave, giggling
their braids flailing
a tear escapes and I quickly swipe at it
and
get back
to work
thankful that
they
are
gone.

2 comments:

Kathleen said...

I absolutely loved the honesty as well as the sweetness in this poem. You can really see the struggle you are going through to balance your time. Those girls are so lucky to have such a loving, caring mother. Thanks for sharing, Hannah!

Joanne Carnevale said...

On the other hand, you give those two adorable girls such a stellar example of a hard-working mom. They are all the better for that.