So now we have plans to see each other next week. I woke up this morning with an anger about my relationship with him that was so fierce that I thought f-it. This is dumb. No more games. I need to be the daughter I want to be not for him but for me. In other words, he will never change and I cannot make him be the father I want so I will be the kind of daughter I want to be. Amen.
I think of what my favorite yoga teacher always used to say when we would be in a pose that was so hard you wished you could fall down and never take class again..."Lay down your arms...just lay them down...if not now, when?"