Divorce Poem

my pain

“Divorce”
Slices through flesh, goes deep into vital organs
Lungs, heart, stomach
–Breath trapped in chest
–Hot acid in belly

Open up word
Divorce
Open heavy door
“Creeeeeekkkkkkkk…..”

Darkness, spider web, dust whirls up into nose
Inhale dank smell
cat urine, mildew
Feet “clunk, clunk, clunk…”
“Hello?”

Nothing
Eyes adjust to darkness
Back of head aches
Turn
Eyes scan
Broken picture frames, torn curtains, twisted furniture, strewn cushions, bulging stuffing Empty socket in ceiling, lampshades singed with dirt

What do I want to accept?

This mess
This pain
These broken memories
The past
The present
My own feelings

Guilt
Anger
Resentment
Relief
Fear
Anxiety

Memory
Empty house with a tub that doesn’t drain, light fixtures that spark when turned on, walls covered in mold–
A cat who chews his fur, gnaws his skin–
A woman who rocks and moans–
Friends who come with self-help books and chicken soup–
Daughters, mother, women to support¬–
Therapy, Disney World, Health Spa
She doesn’t laugh for a year.

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Thought the battle ended when he left.
War had just begun.
Hand to Hand combat has ceased.
Now a cold war.
-----------
Step outside the chilly battle

Choose a side

Years travel by now like leaves on a stream.
Peace.